Quick note for fans of C. S. Lewis and/or U2 before the article begins:
When life’s sorrows bring us into shadowlands, we need the joy of Christ to restore our strength. We tap into this joy by nurturing a deeper longing for God. Shadowlands and Songs of Light: An Epic Journey into Joy and Healing takes you on a quest for joy and a life-changing longing for God.
Written by a C. S. Lewis expert and a skilled composer, the book explores 18 beloved C. S. Lewis classics, from Narnia to Mere Christianity, and 13 spiritual principles behind the art of songwriting, as seen in 13 studio albums by U2–all to answer one question: how do we experience deeper joy in our relationship with Christ during times of sorrow and trial?
Shadowlands is available to pre-order at Amazon or ChristianBooks.com. If you pre-order a copy, the author will personally email you with a thank-you note and a copy of his upcoming e-book devotional “Devotions with Tolkien,” which uses J. R. R. Tolkien’s epic “The Lord of the Rings” and Scripture. (This is all on the honor system: simply pre-order Shadowlands, and then send an email to shadowlands2016 (at) gmail (dot) com letting the author (Kevin Ott) know you’ve ordered it, and he will contact you.)
Text LIGHT to 54900 to get a preview of Shadowlands and Songs of Light.
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My Parents are Forcing Me to Take Piano Lessons and I HATE IT!
Please Help!
My parents made me take piano lessons at 11. I’m 14 now and want to quit. I’ve always hated the piano, but now I REALLY hate it. I asked my parents if i could quit and they said yes…BUT…I have to start another instrument, and I don’t want to. They just don’t understand…I don’t like music, I’m not musical, and I don’t want to be musical. I think my dad doesn’t want me quit cause he didn’t learn to play piano when he was younger, and he now regrets it. He quit school in eleventh grade, and he is now a builder. I don’t think he enjoys it.
Please don’t ask me to change teachers, choose music I like, or take a break. I’ve changed teachers in the past. My current teacher is really nice, I choose my own music, and I’ve taken time away: I still hate it!
Abbie’s Reply…
There is more to learning an instrument than just becoming a great musician. People learn to play for many reasons: mostly so they can play their favorite songs or join a band. From the first time I witnessed a performance as a kid, I was hooked. I spent all my time learning how to play guitar.
I’m now a music director who plays several instruments. I’ve performed with many musicians over the years. Musicians who don’t play from their heart don’t last. Music is about many things — mostly about translating emotion into music and learning a craft. I’ve played with musicians who never understood how to connect with music emotionally; they played from their head. They often lacked originality and never progressed.
An issue like yours goes far beyond music. Many people hate their job and feel stuck. Some of these people are doctors, lawyers, and CEO’s. They may be hard workers, but they lack leadership, originality, and they cannot motivate others because of their lack of enthusiasm. After three years, you should have a good idea whether or not you enjoy playing the piano.
Your father only wants what’s best for you. As we become parents, we want to give to our children all the things we didn’t have or couldn’t afford. If your father hates his job, he’ll probably tell you to finish what you started. I would agree — if you asked for lessons.
If you said you hated the piano and wanted to play a different instrument, I would have a very different reply. Although you’re only fourteen, I think you’re wasting your time and parent’s money.
If you truly lack the enthusiasm you noted here, it’s unfortunate your instructor has not spoken to your parents on your behalf. I think your conversation should begin with your instructor. I’ve worked with many musicians over the years whose parents wanted them to play at church. I am very quick to spot these kids and very quick to talk to their parents. I don’t want someone on stage who doesn’t want to be there. Their negative attitude is evident, and it affects the entire band and congregation.
Life is about finding your passion. Pray about it. Use this lesson to learn patience so you can offer advice and compassion to others in your position.
There are times in your life when you must do things you don’t like: those moments build character.
“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.”
― Confucius
Talk to your instructor, and then don’t talk AT your parents, talk TO your parents. Speak from your heart and appeal to them not as a kid who doesn’t want to play the piano, but as a young person who is searching to find their passion and who, after three years, is smart enough to know music is not it.
When my daughter started learning, I found this article that helped her – http://buff.ly/1fC1bQc
I’m 14 and my parents are also forcing me to take piano lessons. What I feel for piano is beyond hate . I’ve been taking lessons now for about 6 or 7 years. Since the first monent I played I hated it. I grew up in a musical family with both parents singing in a choir for grownups and when my brother was litte he went off to a music boarding school till grade 10 and then came back to a school about 45 minutes away from home. This school has 2 piano teachers ,a singing ,teacher a flute teacher ,a violin teacher and 3 theory teachers .The first music teacher is inpatient and yells at you personally if you do something wrong.The second teacher is brilliant. She is very good and all her students are top achievers. My brother was her favourite. He has grade 6 or 7 in piano and grade 8 (final grade) in singing and I think grade 6 or 7 in music theory. He is aslo VERY smart . In his graduating year ,out of 350 children he was 8th in his grade. Because he is so smart and musical my parents think me and my 17 year old sister is too. She also plays piano but her main instrument is the cello. My brother is now currently studying medicine.So he’s kinda hard to live up to. My parents won’t stop comparing me to him and I hate that MORE. My dad took piano in elementary school. He had a total of 13 different teachers over the years because everytime they moved away or were pregnant or something so he quit.I had 6 different teachers over the years because everytime they moved away or were pregnant. Me and the very first teacher were good together and all the rest didn’t get me.When last year I finally found another teacher that I really loved, I went to the school my brother was in but it’s 45 minutes away from home so I am in the hostel. So without having to say ,I had to get another teacher . Just because that other teacher loved my brother she said yes to give me lessons ,where she usually only gives lessons to some of the older children. Oh did i mention her daughter and my brother we’re like REALLY close friends?? And now I have piano as a school subject. I play school exams in June and like the real thing :music exams in I think September. She was my first teacher who didn’t take nonsense she’ll show you how to do it right and properly or just leave it. She said to me without knowing about all the different teachers, that she can see somewhere along the line something went missing in the learning of music and I told her about what happend .You see I almost never did sight reading because of all the different teachers. I am now doing grade 4 and is still on level 1 in sight reading .The only actual exam I did was grade 3 the rest I wasn’t ready so I had to cancel . But she said we can still fix it and now in 4 months time I am at the right level of sight reading .I do sports in the day also and other acticities witch my parents never support me of. My brother and my sister is rather more “chubby”. Not fat but they have to watch what they eat.I however don’t. I am sorry if this sounds selfish but I am skinny and more sporty. I LOVVEEEEE my sport and wouldn’t give it up for the world ,but my brother feels that way about music aslo my sister. I AM DIFFERENT! My father also was always first in his grade for academics and my mom was always Head girl. My sister does kinda good in school and my brother does good in everything but sport.I do goodish in sport but I love it.This teacher is very strict and always if I sit in the piano class I make stupid mistakes cuz I’m scared and then she thinks I don’t practice but actually I DOOO.VERY hard. So I’m wasting all of my free time in the hostel on something I didn’t want to do in the first place and I’m not even achieving anything. I’ve been doing violin now for almost 10 years and I simply want to continue with THAT as school subject so that my report card will look beter and that I waste my time on something I WANT to do . Isn’t it logical? And he thought I said I wanted to quit piano for good and because of the teacher .I tried to explain the whole story and he said it’s fine but I’m still doing piano outside school hours. But whenever I practice he yells at me for doing it when he’s home and wants to chill. BUT I ALSO PRACTICE WHEN YOUR NOT HERE, I PRACTISE 2 TIMES A DAY EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK .He’s yelling at me for somthing HE wants me to do. Like WTF?
He forced me to STOP flute cuz it irritated him. He also forced me to do chior all my life long so this year I said I would take a break from drama and chior to focus on getting good marks for piano . He didn’t force me to do chior this year and strange enough out of my own I wanted to . Unfortunately I was too late for sign ups ,but I said I want to do it next year. Last year at this art and culture competition, I did a total of 14 diffetent items in category: piano , violin, chior, singing, piano and singing duets, dancing and also drama.I won the art and kulture cup at my elementary school last year (2015) and also in 2014 and 2013. That’s 3 years in a row. My family likes classical music and I prefer lighter music . I stand out in my family and I am nothing like the rest of my family.My mom and everybody says that I shouldn’t quit piano cuz I’ll regret it, but I’ve been forced and been put through so much hate that if I quit there will be this incredible weight lifted off my shoulders. I PRACTICLY STRESS MY DAY AWAY THAT I’M GOING TO GET IN TROUBLE WITH MY MUSIC TEACHER FOR PLAYING BADLY!I mean I’m definitely not going to study music or do anything with it so what’s the point of all this suffering. I am NOT a creative person .I can’t draw or do art or music cuz I am a logocal person . Meaning I like maths . It’s my favourite subject I do everything in sums and stuff. My brain works mathematical. When we past lots of street ligtht I can’t help but always count them . I do fantastic in music theory because it actually uses maths .I don’t play very good and entertaining cuz I am a perfectionist. I AM A LEFT BRAIN. My current piano teacher said to me a few days ago that she can help me all she wants but she cant MAKE me practice and that it’s a life choice I have to make .She said that I need to have an attitude of waking up and thinking: Yes today I’m going to practice and get it right.She also said I’m just playing out of my head and that if you don’t play out of your heart and with emotion you will probably not get far and that people who just plays what it says on the music asif it’s just lots of notes on the paper ,usually isn’t fun and easy to listen to and doesn’t usually succeed in music.
And I’m sorry but how can I do that if it is indeed not my choice to be here miss?
Dad you can bring a horse to the water , but you can’t make him drink : You can make me take lessons but you can’t make me enjoy it and play with emotion if I hate what I am doing…
Thanks for sharing your heart. I know from experience those situations can be really complicated and challenging on so many levels. I’ll pray for you and your parents and for a healing/restoration in your relationships across the board in your family. I studied music composition (not performance), and I focused on writing and analyzing music instead of playing it. Creating/composing music is extremely left brain. I struggled with instrument lessons (don’t really play anything particularly well) but loved composing music away from an instrument. I went to UC Santa Barbara, to the College of Creative Studies (a great school), and some of the best composers there weren’t masters on their instruments. I met one composer at CalArts who didn’t play anything (though that’s very rare, of course). Piano can be an extremely difficult discipline to push through, but playing an instrument as challenging as that will continue to indirectly improve your left brain function in the background of your brain’s development, and later in life when you find that career that you love that channels your left brain awesomeness, I wouldn’t be surprised if the music lessons helped contribute to your left brain sharpness in your adult years. So it’s not a total loss. It will pay off some way, some how. It adds value to your future left brain-oriented career/passion, in other words, whether or not you continue with the piano as an adult later on. Either way, hang in there. Certainly a tough situation. This will sound cheesy, but sometimes parents lose touch with that initial kernel of love that moved them to do something for their kids (i.e. like early on having their kids get involved with some higher art that stimulates their minds and helps them develop in a fruitful way), and they get distracted with the surface things or less important small picture day-to-day things. But that doesn’t mean that the deep love they have for you isn’t down there still in the heart. Sometimes that foundational love just gets lost in all the noise of life and other personal challenges that they’re going through in their own lives. Of course, none of us is perfect, and sometimes people are just plain mean for no good reason. And sometimes parents just don’t handle situations the way we want them to, but in the long run of our lives we’ll be happier if we try to hang in there and be patient and forgive them while also being open with them about how we feel. I’m definitely rambling here, I apologize. Family relationships can be so complex and challenging. I’ll pray for harmony in your family (other than the piano kind). Blessings to you and thanks for the comment!
Sincerely,
Kevin Ott (editor of RockinGodsHouse.com)
wow that must suck I have to practice piano to my mum is forcing me everyday to play when I hate it I’m just eleven and I JUST HATE PIANO AND I WANT TO RAGE QUIT SO BADLY
I started playing the piano when I was 12 1/2, about a year and a half ago. I had always had a fascination in the piano since I was an infant, strangely, and i always saw and heard it on shows and movies. I was roaming my basement a couple years ago, and noticed that my father had borrowed a friend’s keyboard. SO, I decided to find the adapter to it, plug it in, and start playing it by ear, no help or lessons whatsoever. I learned the first couple of parts of Mozart’s Rondo Alla Turca in less than 2 days,and decided not to share such thing with my parents, cause according to my correct future predictions, my Father said “I guess the next step is piano lessons…” To a few friends at a party. I felt like yelling at him why I do not need ” piano lessons ” because I proved to him that I could play some of the most advanced piano pieces known to man. Did he have a rebuttle? No, no he did not. “I refuse to take piano lessons, and rather play by ear and with honor, along with passion. They already pushed me into learning to read she at music, so why are they going an extra step ahead of my boundaries? I feel like sheet music is needed for such multi keyed pieces, such as maple leaf rag, waldstein, and fantaise impromptu, but piano lessons are not needed. I feel that you feel like you have accomplished something even more when you have learned something without any help or teachings. Most parents (99.9%) are very naive like their childeren, and have that old-school stubborness. “Those aren’t original songs little guy..” My father says, like the songs i play are full and boring to him. I say ” They are too originals, great classical composer ‘s originals. Just because you make your own music, doesn’t mean I have to. ” And for the most part, i am the one who got both of my parents into classical music, by the way. Anyone else agree?
I’d want to kill my self so bad. My parents are making me take piano lessons and its in the way of my schooling !!!! I hate piano the devil made it.
I hate piano class because I got forced to play years ago. I still hate it, but I can’t draw myself out of it. Whenever I try to talk to my family to not put me into any classes they scold me and tell me that I have to play piano because they didn’t have to have the chance to play. I wanted to tell them that its my life and they can’t make me play but unfortunately I almost got grounded……
When my dad said I’m going to take piano lessons, I got excited. But then after the first piano lesson, I hated it. Now, (year later) piano stresses me out to much, I also played the clarinet, I thought I was interested in music, but apparently I’m not. Piano is too much, my dad forces me to do it, I don’t think he sees that I hate it, I take long showers to avoid practicing the piano. Then one day, I was practicing very hard, and then my dad came into the room and said “Wait, I want to hear you practice it for a few minutes,” and I was practicing nervously because my dad really wants me to be in the choir in the church same thing for my little brother, my brother plays the guitar, he’s better than me at music, anyway, I kept messing it up and again but I was fine before, and then my dad said “See you are not learning from the practice,” “Mija, piano is your number one piano,” and when I heard that, I got so frustrated, so when he left the room, I headed to the bathroom and locked the door, and cried and stressing out way too much, I stress about piano everyday, and I stress out a lot on saturdays Bc it’s my piano lesson, Bc I didn’t practice that much over the week. It drives me crazy but I don’t show it Bc I don’t want to show it to my dad, Bc if I do, I know he will be disappointed or even worse, be angry. I don’t know what to do, I really want to talk to my dad about it, but I don’t have the confidence to do it, or write him a letter, but I just still don’t have the confidence, I’m mostly interested in drawing and painting, I know that music and art at every similar, but I just really hate music, it stresses me out, but drawing doesn’t take much skill, it’s just easy to pick up a pencil and start drawing out whatever your hand feels. It relaxes me, but that’s not the solution to relaxing me over the piano. I just want to quit, and never learn an instrument. That’s just want thing I really want in life… 😭
I need help as well. I am going to be a sophmore at a college prep private school which only makes the situation harder. I used to be in band playing the drums and I loved it. Now, I just sing and play guitar but have no interest in performing the drums. My parents forced me so sign up for a jazz band class that I would have to play and perform the drums in for a year. I had no authority in deciding this. They said it would be good for me when the whole class would only make me even more stressed out. What do I do?
As someone who also sang and played guitar in high school, and then majored in music composition in college, I would say this: if I could have gone back and learned jazz drums in high school, I would’ve done it in a heartbeat, even if it stressed me out to no end, especially after seeing what it takes to make it in the music world. It will probably be really tough and stressful, yeah, but worth it, in my opinion as a long-time musician and songwriter. Absorbing the mindset and skillset of jazz drums into your musical repertoire will have a huge long-term beneficial effect on your songwriting and musicianship as a singer and guitarist in the years to come. It will add complexity, performance awareness (i.e. the improv/listening involved in jazz) and musical maturity that is very unique and hard to get elsewhere. I’m not sure if music is a “dream” for you or if it’s something you want to seriously pursue long-term, but if so, then digesting jazz rhythm and drumming could be one of the best things that happen to your uniqueness and quality as a songwriter/guitarist.
I feel your pain, buddy. I started piano at 6 years old, lost interest at 9 (probably earlier) and I still have to play the keys at 14 years old. Once upon a time, I was a kid who wanted to learn an instrument. Now the ‘rents are taking my *childhood* dream and making it my future. I am a girl of many talents, if I say so myself, but they have chosen this one to become my life. I don’t want to become a famous composer, in fact I’d rather not become famous at all. I’d like to be an IT worker and part-time author (computers are my strength and writing is my hobby, so that fits really nicely) but the ‘rents are all like “Oh Cate, you must do an hour piano per day and you must participate in the student band (did I mention I’m in a band at school? It sucks.) and you will do exactly as I tell you even though we know squat about instruments.” What can I say? I’m a growing girl in a stressful situation that is life, and my homework time is skyrocketing, as is my social life. I don’t have the time to get home at 3:40, spend an hour plus on piano (4:40), 90 minutes on homework (6:10) a half hour over dinner (6:40) prepare for school the next day (until 7:30)
I just don’t want to play anymore. For 7 years, I’ve been playing, and for 5 of those years, I didn’t want to. It’s like a burden, and they threaten me with things like having no time to myself (which I really need), no fun (such as no computer, no reading, no more taking care of my fish tank which I love). I just do it in vain, and I find it a burden to practice. My teacher is going through some financial troubles, but I really want to drop it. It’s just another reason for my parents to yell at me for something wrong I did.
I am 11 and i HATE piano! All my mom says al day is how is all her friends’s sons and daughters learning a bunch of things and geting A’s. She always compares me to them. OMG it is HELL!!! At piano lessons The teacher is soooooo mean! On top of that my mom says how it’s 50 dollars per class and yelling at me for wasteing money. I didn’t even want to do it in the first place! i have been playing for 5 years but my mom wants me to get to lvl 8 and i hate it!
When I was about 5 years, I kinda liked piano lessons. But now, as an 10 sixth grader, I hate Piano lessons because it takes away my time, makes me bored, and stresses me out. A few years ago, I almost lost piano lessons when my mom put the piano books in the recycle bin. But then, my dad arrived and took them out, and said I should still have Piano lessons. Urgh!!!!! AND MY PARENTS JUST SAY PIANO LESSONS ORE GOOD FOR ME!!!!!!!!!! I wish I had more authority than them!
I started playing piano when I was six, and at first I enjoyed it. But though my teacher was very kind we only ever played out of my often monotonous lesson books. Around age eight I got so tired of it. The only reason I practiced was because, as a homeschooler, I had a block of time in my school day every day where I had to practice. I don’t think I seriously considered quitting, but it got to be extremely frustrating.
But as I kept practicing I got better and it wasn’t so much of a struggle. I got to choose some of the songs I played. My teacher and family never made me take any sort of piano exams, thank goodness, because that would been terrible! Around age ten I got to the point where, though it wasn’t always fun, I tolerated and often enjoyed piano. And, strangely to me, people started getting impressed by what I could play.
When I was twelve I had FINALLY graduated from my lesson books. Practice became something I looked forward to because I actually liked what I was playing. I soon surpassed the skill level that my piano teacher was able to teach, and went to a new one.
I’m into classical music, especially Chopin and Debussy, but I also like more modern composers and playing arrangements of pop or musical theatre songs, and sometimes other styles. I just like to have variety. My new teacher took more the approach of “What do you want to play?” or “I found this cool arrangement, do you want to try it?” and I really thrived in that environment. I also learned a lot at a classical music camp where you had to practice for two hours a day. That definitely got to be too much near the end, but sometimes I surprised myself by barely realizing time was passing when I played.
I am fourteen now, and a couple of months ago I was in for somewhat of a shock when my teacher said I needed to, again, find a more advanced teacher. At my first lesson with my new teacher he asked me some thoughtful questions, such as why I still played piano. “It makes me happy,” I told him, and it’s true!
I guess my point here is that, even though piano is certainly not for everyone, don’t give up on it too soon. For myself, I would go so far as to say that playing piano, even though the going can be rough, has been one of best things I could ever have done with my time.
I also am in the same situation. My mom is making me do piano and I HATE IT WITH ALL MY HEART. I literally DESPISE IT. When I first started I didn’t hate it. It was alright. I was actually excited to go to my first lessons. But after that I started to get that piano isn’t for me and it’s not something I have a passion for. But whenever I would tell my mom that it is getting in the way of schoolwork and that I don’t wanna do it because I don’t Ike it, she just tells me I’m making excuses and that if I actually put in effort and played from the heart that I would do much better. But see that’s the POINT. How can I play from the heart if I don’t LIKE it and it’s not something I wanna do?!?! But no matter what I said she didn’t wanna hear it and every time I look at her with an annoyed look she blames me and gets mad that I’m always annoyed whenever I have to play the piano. Like can’t u see the reason I’m annoyed?? It’s because u don’t wanna listen to me and understand that I hate it and I don’t wanna do it!
I am 13 and at 10 I love the sound of the clarinet. I was told I could try it on a trial session for 9 week and after that I could stop if I wanted to. Afterwards I wanted to stop, and my mum made an excuse to make me carry on. I still hate practicing but luckily my heart has always been a musical heart. I started the descant recorder at 5, started playing piano at 7, started playing treble recorder at 7 as well, at 8 I played on a church organ and started playing clarinet at 10. Later on I started playing bass clarinet, drums, guitar and saxophone. I HAVE HATED IT. 4-6 hours a day, every day, 7 days a week 4 weeks a month 364 days a year (excluding Christmas Day). I decided that I wanted to do something with my developing talent on the clarinet. To make my mum proud, I worked to join the NCO (national children’s orchestra of Great Britain) which is the best orchestra for under 14’s in the UK. I still hated the practicing. I soon started doing competitions and won every one, soon I was the only person in the woodwind section of some competitions as the others had given up going. I was beating 18 year olds at music collages. Eventually I got into the NCO after only 1/2 a year playing the clarinet. Every year you have to re- audition and the next year I was so much better, I was out as principal clarinet which I have been given the place for 3 years. Recently I won a major competition which gave me £550 in total. Even though I hate the practice, I love traveling the world to play in the orchestra. I love the feeling I get after a competition and I love playing for my family. Even if you think you will hate it, pick up an orchestra instrument that you like the sound off and work as hard as you can to join an orchestra, YOU WON’T REGRET IT.
Timothy J. Mitchell
Principal clarinetist if the national children’s orchestra.
I love your comment, Timothy! Thanks very much for sharing this. This is a great message that kids should hear.
I understand you. My family life is complicated since my parents divorced even before I was born. I live with a single mom and she gives me a lot of stuff that I want on one condition; I behave. She forced me to play the piano when I was.. 9. She said “oh you will grow up to be a good pianist” but I don’t want to. My main passions are writing and computers but she made me practice everyday. She once talked to me and said she did this because she “loved me and just wanted to take my mind off computers” and I believe that. But she didn’t know that piano stresses me out even more and I study on computers. She’s ruining my life with piano and my grades are dropping with al the stress. I have to admit that I’m a person who dislikes going to school but I would rather stay at school for a month rather than playing piano. I’m an only child and she wants me to achieve the best but she just can’t understand that this is making me more stressed and depressed than ever.
I asked my mom to read this passage about hating piano…..She said she doesn’t care and she will never care about my feelings about it.It makes me feel stressed when I come home from school and I see my dads van outside.(We go to piano lessons)I want to relax my body and feel loved by my parents, instead they are forcing me to do something that I don’t want to do. They tell me either I do piano, or I start a new instrument. I already play soccer, dance and I really want to take karate lessons. I want to express my feelings but my parents don’t even care about how I feel. They never really did. I am ten now, I started when I was 4. I really tried telling my parents I never really liked it. Once I talked to them they ignored me and moved on with “their stuff”. I am at the point of piano where sometimes I like it….but then sometimes it gets on my nerve. i really never liked starting new songs. It was like having another baby sister that would constantly scream, yell and cry. I want my parents to know and understand how I feel about it.
I HATE PIANO SOO MUCH
My parents are forcing me to play piano, it was fun when I started but it gets repetitive and then boring. Lately I have had an I treat of thinking that electric guitar would be fun to learn to play, because of all the fun song you can play. How do I tell my parents I would rather try that instead?